i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
