apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
