Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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