i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
