i jhust puked up my retainher.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
