U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
