I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
not ubering you a puppy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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