your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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