Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
