In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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