im holly from the hills drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
