your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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