You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
