I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
