I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
