Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dear god my vagina.
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