But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
