I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
