since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We have started to decorate penises.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
