Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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