Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
