His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
