Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
