Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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