My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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