Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Im part way to drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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