the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
