she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
