i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
