Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
