you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
