Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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