Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
