will power is for people who don't want to get laid
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
