Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
