you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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