I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
