my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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