my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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