dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
