After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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