It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
