Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A+ Viking dick