He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out