i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night