How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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