Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them