Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
