Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
