Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
