Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
