better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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