just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
