I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
