Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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