You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My liver just broke up with me...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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