my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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