There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
