i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
