Sponge bath it is.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house