Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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