I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"