Texts From Last Night

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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

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  (571): I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad. http://tfl.nu/ovcp
  Replies (48) Good night (5217) Bad night (1717)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

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  (904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0
  Replies (7) Good night (5951) Bad night (660)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.

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  (715): Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina. http://tfl.nu/6q39
  Replies (290) Good night (4185) Bad night (2739)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

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  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (62) Good night (13332) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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  (404): Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip? http://tfl.nu/mroo
  Replies (35) Good night (1130) Bad night (4981)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore

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  (516): He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore http://tfl.nu/31xs
  Replies (7) Good night (1023) Bad night (3468)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?

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  (405): Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin? http://tfl.nu/sa7c
  Replies (12) Good night (3036) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4769) Bad night (2820)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?

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  (717): Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon? http://tfl.nu/o6hv
  Replies (7) Good night (1445) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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  (949): I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled. http://tfl.nu/99xj
  Replies (5) Good night (1503) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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  (805): how many dildos make it a "collection?" http://tfl.nu/3sue
  Replies (12) Good night (1517) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.

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  (609): He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state. http://tfl.nu/7xin
  Replies (24) Good night (423) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...

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  (208): This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king... http://tfl.nu/nr91
  Replies (1) Good night (567) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.

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  (618): So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers. http://tfl.nu/djxo
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious

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  (585): let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious http://tfl.nu/21or
  Replies (7) Good night (281) Bad night (700)

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