Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
