the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love