When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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