Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My cat gives me a boner
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
