Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
