Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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