need another drink. this is the easiest way
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
