Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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