I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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