So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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