9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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