did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
