It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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